I am not simple

2012-02-02T13:20:00.001+08:00

who are you?

2011-09-28T21:03:00.001+08:00

my words could never suffice.

so I leave you with the words of another more worthy

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the day-time, and falling into at night.

I miss you like hell"

Edna St Vincent Millay

2011-09-23T09:13:00.001+08:00

until I am whole again

2011-09-07T18:58:00.001+08:00

maybe this is what it is, distilled from the intensity

is that, I have nothing to give you, I never have

I would give you the world but you want nothing I have

nothing I could give

and I'm tired of taking

I don't know what else to do

2011-08-16T15:01:00.002+08:00

I think you may already know. I read maybe a few pages. I listened to it maybe under an hour. it's so silly but I just can't bring myself to.

I stare at it everyday. just lie in bed and stare at the two books, stacked on a shelf. I run my fingers over the cover and then continue staring.

if these were read, what mysteries would be left in life?

I jest.

it was for a time like this that these books had waited. if these were spent, what left of you would there be in my life? I'm sure some would say I have memories. what use were memories if I was the only one recalling?

I counted down to the days you'd say goodbye. since the day I met you. such it has always been. humor me.

2011-08-02T14:59:00.002+08:00

what could I ever give you?

how can I make it up to you?

I can't.

and I don't know what to do about it.

you, beautiful you

and my heart is broken-- but why?

2011-08-02T14:56:00.000+08:00

it was my birthday. half hour before dinner with friends, I have half the mind to cancel it. no, that's wrong. I'm not sure how much of my mind I have control over still. probably less than half.

I am a cheap imitation.

I find myself sitting in the bookstore, reading, waiting. staring, being more like it. staring into space, book in hand. a fidgety salesgirl arranges books haphazardly. her lip piercing catches my eye, reflecting.

I am splayed on the chair. like blood spatter from a crime. kids run past, I no longer care. I decide to read.

I am somewhere else. I am somewhere far, not too long ago. I am there.

power of the press

2011-07-29T17:23:00.000+08:00

you framed me for breaking your heart. but you don't have one.

you can't have a murder without a body.

now I'm going to run and tell the papers.

and you can't stop me.

2011-07-12T13:34:00.002+08:00

same continent, same region, same country, same city, same street

same cafe, same table

same dessert

so I've walked

2011-07-06T13:29:00.002+08:00

my mind's scrambled eggs.

2011-06-13T17:09:00.002+08:00

a bruise is the only hint, the only trace of a week long dream I had. it was so near I could almost reach out and touch it.

I'm still trying to still my racing mind.

let the words settle at the bottom of my mind.. like fossils

I find no release from you.

2011-06-01T16:43:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to think, what to say, or what to do at this point

2011-05-20T13:20:00.002+08:00

if I'm so good at pretending that I'm okay then why can't I just be okay?

maybe okay isn't the right word, but well adjusted individual.

why is it so hard to make the jump?

it is a stupid question.

will I die a stranger? some things are not meant to be seen but still, I just want one person to see me for what I am.

2011-05-09T13:03:00.003+08:00

when was the last time you read something that made your heart ache?

it hurt because it was true.

words written by someone so far removed from yourself.

the question

2011-04-28T16:20:00.003+08:00

upon calling the hospital to make an appointment

"is this your first time here?"

"I was born there, does that count? do you have me on file?"

I was tempted but alas, didn't answer so. it's never a good idea to irritate the nurse, yes?

ah, that line. apologies if this is a repost

2011-04-28T01:37:00.001+08:00

Flemeth: Regret is something I know well. Take care not to cling to it, to hold it so close that it poisons your soul. When the time comes for your regrets, remember me.

2011-04-26T12:45:00.001+08:00

why won't you let me talk to my friends?

2011-04-25T14:55:00.000+08:00

I can't decide if I'm trying to wake up or trying to atone

on why people aren't stealing the unsupervised pineapples

2011-04-25T14:35:00.000+08:00

"Oh, it's really bad apparently... stealing, not the pineapples."

2011-04-25T14:33:00.001+08:00

this is my confession

the guilty need to confess

2011-04-25T14:22:00.002+08:00

I am there in the pieces you ignore, and yet you ask me again and again, "who are you?"

if you look around you, I am there in the fabric of the fringe

I am there in the gaps and spaces

I'd set the world on fire

I'd destroy it myself

I'll fight for it

I remember why you're special

2011-04-19T15:27:00.002+08:00

a grin spread like a fever.

now in digital format.

it is afternoon. I am lying on the terrazzo floor. it is cold and my spine sticks out the way it does with everyone.

the radio is on, the light whirring of a cassette in play. the fan above me at full speed. I can hear the lorries outside, kicking up dust from the construction across. the air vents sealed in plastic. I roll and look at my cat.

it's been so stuffy since we closed the air vents. my cat agrees. the fan and the open sliding door offering some respite. ajar because the cat needs to go out.

the next track plays. good thing this one changes sides on its own, allowing me more time on the floor.

I never thought the day would end. but it has.

2011-04-19T14:45:00.001+08:00

if I should go, please understand.

there are places I haven't seen. heights I have not felt.

freefalling, into your arms.

I'd like to be able to say

2011-04-19T13:40:00.000+08:00

"Let's go out for a nice dinner!"

but that time has passed. indeed, it has.

2011-04-19T00:08:00.002+08:00

I realise what I said to you was lacking the context I felt in mind, the afternoon after.

of course it was inexplicable at the time. and it was such a glaring admission, to me, shockingly after that.

I had nearly let the cat out of the bag.

I had nearly dropped the ball.

but there is no ball, and there is no cat. so is it real?

2011-04-15T18:28:00.003+08:00

is it kinda awful that I couldn't help but think of Assassin's Creed while talking to someone named Salahdine, mostly the town crier shouting, 'strong, strong like Salah ad-Din!' and so on a so forth.

damn, that game has entered my psyche.

Turkish, he looks like Blue.

2011-04-13T08:34:00.003+08:00

I reached down your throat and pulled out my words. I don't know what was so hard to say anyway. I held these in my hands, facing you. we both were looking down.

they spelt an end. we were relieved. slowly, you began to cry. I was puzzled.

I let the words fall one by one to the ground. we could hear them break like shatter. you still couldn't look.

I dusted my hands and walked away. I still remember each clap, like thunder or a hungry stomach.

2011-04-12T22:35:00.001+08:00

bring me the moon and I'll show you your eyes

it's so quiet up there, so light

you shine from something else not yourself

the hands reach up into you and take everything away

2011-04-12T14:24:00.001+08:00

your bones look pretty on the bed. I was beside myself last night when I told you I love you. no response. how typical of the dead.

'and when they clean the streets...'

2011-04-11T04:07:00.003+08:00

playing elliot smith at 4 am somehow seems apt

I don't care who can hear me

I don't care I'm not any good

"I'd say it's a sight quite worth seeing

it's just that everyone's interest is stronger than mine"

'were it not that I have bad dreams'

2011-04-11T01:45:00.004+08:00

I could feel my heart beating through my chest. it happens when I drink.

otherwise, I can't feel it at all. I'm alive, every second of my existence reminds me of it.

the futility of it.

where is my raison d'etre?

I could feel it elsewhere, a pulse on my wrist, neck. throbbing in my head like a drumbeat during a headache. like disco lights, pulsing.

through my chest, the source, nothing. a flatline of resignation.

throbbing in my head, like my veins were pounding. soon to come, physical suffering.

my head is heavy, my heart is heavy. and day by day my body wakes and sleeps, wakes and sleeps.

2011-04-10T02:50:00.000+08:00

my secrets are a monster. my monster is a secret. who knows?

2011-04-10T02:35:00.002+08:00

words are proving inadequate for the emotions swirling around me like a storm.

I'll admit for once, words are not enough.

words could never be enough for you.

the entire understanding we share as people isn't enough.

you're such a monster, devouring every word I pave between us. any ounce of meaning, any shred of relevance, any relativity is chewed up and spat out like yesterday's gum. I cannot attempt to place you within my thoughts, you have no place.

with no thoughts, I cannot comprehend.

a lean beast waiting.

2011-04-06T17:27:00.003+08:00

I have told you two lies.

I remember

one was a white lie which I confessed to in the end

the other one, because it was the appropriate thing to say

I don't feel bad but I remember

2011-04-06T17:21:00.001+08:00

I need fuel, to keep me going. I'm running on E.

non renewable resource. used up.

26 years has come to this.

somethings burn out.

agony

2011-04-05T17:53:00.001+08:00

in your desperation, you clutched at straws. my heart in the kindle.

a bright spark, your mother called you.

the pill I have to swallow to be with you.

2011-04-04T16:58:00.004+08:00

I could feel it trickling down my throat, the lies I had to swallow. like a careless dentist dripping anesthesia from a syringe, I was numb.

slippery little eels, they go down very easily. the mutable words, chameleons of morality, resist my manhandling.

defying definition, the feelings of post betrayal.

2011-03-30T18:04:00.001+08:00

all I wanna do is you

hahahahahahahahaha

2011-03-25T16:33:00.003+08:00

the words are playing tag in my mind. you're it, you're it!

running round and round, I can't grab hold of 'em

I can't catch them running away with my thoughts

I can't hold on and sink into the meaning of everything

drinking in the depths of the blue

I appear to be lost.

a wanderer, walking from desert to sea and back again

the middle path closed to me

found in the waking of words, asleep

2011-03-24T03:27:00.002+08:00

all of a sudden I remembered Final Fantasy 8.. and Seifer HAHAHAHA

of all things to remember. I remember playing it with Ken Hirai's Style in the background on repeat. throughout the whole game.

yes, that song is just awesome to me. for some strange unfathomable reason, like--

in your words I could find salvation. but I might not be able to follow you to the end. the flesh is weak. tripping between the lines, smearing myself with ink.

I started a joke..

2011-03-22T17:14:00.002+08:00

"I wasn't expecting you."

yet you walked past me and sat down. I don't know what it is, between us. but it's always awkward and familiar yet unwelcoming.

"okay."

the least you could do was look at me. or start first, why does it always have to be me?

"what do you want?"

I saw your eyes, pleading.

" "

2011-03-22T17:13:00.002+08:00

I would change myself if I could

I'd walk with my people if I could find them

and I'll say that I'm sorry to you

I'm sorry to you

and I don't wanna call you

but then I wanna call you

cause I don't wanna crush you

but I feel like crushing you and it's true

I took for granted you were with me

I breathe by your looks and you look right through me

but we were broken, didn't know it

we were broken, didn't know it

...

it's just a game, for God's sake

2011-03-22T15:46:00.002+08:00

say what you want about the plot of DA2, but I love it. I know, it's a bit of a copout. like it's just setting itself up for DA3 which shows the ending of the Warden and the Champion. I dunno how they are going to write that one. the possibilities must be endless!

but aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, god I wanna go back and play it again! D:<

what will become of Ferelden? there's so many permutations, and lasting ones, and in between your party, not a world wide repercussion. it's driving me crazy. and yes, I'd still romance Isabela, but I'm determined that Bethany survives. too bad I can't romance her. yes, she's my sister, whatever.

the gay warden, hahahahahaha I'm bringing you along for the ride, next time! how does Flemeth know everything? the god child comes back in DA3? questions, a long time coming! aaaah, anticipation. moreso than Reapers attacking earth in fall. OMG, what is happening to me?!

relax, relax.

regret

2011-03-22T14:50:00.004+08:00

"take care not to cling to it, to hold it so close that it poisons your soul."

I wish I could say it was wisdom. but truth be told, it was from a video game..

2011-03-22T13:27:00.002+08:00

over the sun did the stars lie. bathed in blue, swimming in yellow.

I try to remember.

your words, spoken of the stars. and why you chose to go. I still cannot understand.

over the moon was I. bathed in blue, swimming in red.

2011-03-20T02:00:00.001+08:00

hmm one day I'll go and see Commanche, yes?

2011-03-20T01:57:00.001+08:00

'come and sit by my side if you love me'

2011-03-17T16:38:00.002+08:00

you make me feel like dying.

you two should be together. what a ride that'd be. just to remember to take pictures for me. I'll pick up the camera from the coroner's office.

look at it then burn it.

I've never believed in having a piece of history.

that was a lie.

that is still a lie.

that shall be a lie.

her slender fingers gripped the grill. I'm sorry I have to do this.

2011-03-11T16:22:00.001+08:00

first fucking pee of the day.

that's the type of day it's been

2011-03-09T18:58:00.001+08:00

watches in Japan?

mecca

2011-03-08T15:23:00.002+08:00

to get what you want, sometimes you have to be what you are not

it's a secret

2011-03-05T14:05:00.003+08:00

the air, laden with undertones. I take it in.

it is heavy.

the air goes straight to my head. I try to shake off the aftereffects. I sit very still.

am I holding the pose of the repentant sinner, holding my head in my hands. had I only the strength to rip it off.

can we sign the contract now? I need to know that this business you are running is legit. you send your rep, and I'm familiar with him. take the damaged one away

2011-03-04T17:18:00.001+08:00

you have shown me kindness I never could have dreamed of. I am glad to have met you.

goodbye

2011-03-04T14:12:00.002+08:00

a thousand empty voices sing to me. is it sound at all? drowned inside the black hole, swirling inside me.

the crowding of the faceless, full like husks. holding nothing but the inevitable damnation of us all. do not shy away from my reach.

2011-03-02T15:31:00.001+08:00

please do not come undone

2011-03-01T15:05:00.003+08:00

and the blood was spilt from her lips. trickling down her neck like wine, staining my psyche. the alcohol burning into my memory. I was drunk.

I ran my fingers through the warmth, it felt like...

distraught.

I felt her teeth sinking in.

I dare now allow my eyes to travel lower. afraid for the lack of legs.

the air was pregnant with wrong. her white skin, flushed. my tattoo was bloody again.

the cold feel of it against my skin. it slipping off, sliding. tangled.

2011-02-28T18:39:00.001+08:00

the things I do I won't speak of

I cannot hear the sound of my mistakes said out loud

I can hear my own voice mocking me

his voice, her voice

I'll live around it

2011-02-28T14:09:00.002+08:00

could I ever ___ another? I asked myself this question just now.

I'm afraid for now it seems like, no.

seems being the operative word.

I remember the days without you. days that felt like night, without light-- buried alive. clawing and clawing at the soil till my fingers bled but to no end.

I had forgotten about it. it wasn't the darkest of days but perhaps bleak.

it's such a dirty word, isn't it? that was me being afraid. of the demons we spawn, fear is the least of my troubles. I'm trying here. I'm very trying.

you're my energy bar.

the sinew says no.

2011-02-25T17:18:00.003+08:00

the heat was rising was from the asphalt. the light drizzle was starting to get on my nerves. and my hair, my jacket, my everything. soon I'll be sweaty too, great.

it rains the day I forget my hat.

there's not much point in complaining I suppose. it's a funny thing to pretend to wait for the bus when you're not. it's a funny business to spy on someone, while pretending to be distracted. have you ever been someone like me?

it's a funny business altogether.

2011-02-25T02:03:00.001+08:00

someone told me the sweetest thing the other day. in fact, it was the second time she said it to me. I won't repeat what it is, cause it's just, you know, personal haha but the one thing that really struck the tuning fork stuck up my heart was that it was just, honest.

eh, I'm hungry la

2011-02-23T16:24:00.004+08:00

I could hear the sound, gathering in my ears. a low, quiet swishing, rather like the rustle of sheets.

she giggles.

soon, the sound envelops me. so different from the deserts I've been traversing. soon, I'll find myself weighed down like a rock, sinking into the lowest depths.

I do not struggle, and breathe it in.

I gaze at the sun with unblinking eyes. the cold sets in. I remember, warmth. I remember coffee between cigarettes.

I felt hopeful and light. like meeting an ex after a long time. but I was sinking.

it is quiet. there is no sun. I find myself walking the depths. miles and miles of nothing, quiet but for the voices.

my body is here with me, not washed ashore and putrid.

I wonder if she remembers me, in the quiet, at the end of the sound.

2011-02-23T14:12:00.001+08:00

wow, I think I just got pawned by privacy settings

2011-02-22T16:17:00.000+08:00

yeah I'd be pretty depressed too if I spelt like you

hee hee

just kidding ok

Dick Dunn [that was what was written]

2011-02-22T15:20:00.000+08:00

"Grant me the stubbornness to change what I can, the laziness to accept what I cannot, and enough beer to sit around and endlessly discuss the difference between the two."

2011-02-22T12:23:00.001+08:00

stop talking to her or I will hit you

it appears that

2011-02-22T01:49:00.001+08:00

tweaking the journal appearance a little

just felt like fooling around with CSS

getting rusty

need to find suitable header

this shall do in the meantime

2011-02-22T00:09:00.003+08:00

in the desert wide, lay a body.

stripped by the sand and heat and vultures.

from this man's stomach, sprung an oasis. with palm trees, a theme park and girls in bikinis.

don't forget the poolside bar, and the cabana boy.

the murderous knife still lay in his rib cage.

I killed that man for you.

I forgot to mention the oasis drew blood.

2011-02-22T00:05:00.003+08:00

I'd love to ask you about your life but I'm afraid I haven't the right

I am driven by the unthinking mob

I was locked in a room before

where no one could hear me scream

if I could break my fingers from reaching out for you I would, if I could break my legs from walking out to you, I would. if I could break my heart free of desire, I would. had I strength I wouldn't need to but such is the flesh

when the soul is weak

when they find your bones, buried underneath my house. it'll look like little jars of rice art, with my name written in marrow.

tracing with my fingertips, circles upon your flesh. it tickles

2011-02-21T18:07:00.002+08:00

wow, I'm such a terrible Buddhist

3 months

2011-02-18T15:17:00.004+08:00

I inadvertently stepped back into November last year. and it made me grin silly.

I try not to go back there, and I forgot just how damn good November was. in the rush of things, I had forgotten. I remember the warmth, like eating good fish.

I remember all of us together, after so long--

I remember not being lost, like coming home. to a place called Marrakesh!

I remember being moved beyond a state of being. I remember being somewhere else, free.

I remember sitting at the back of a taxi. the cold fake leather, the smell of old air conditioning.

2011-02-17T15:33:00.002+08:00

I'd like to listen to Podcasts while doing work. but it doesn't make me smarter

2011-02-16T16:18:00.003+08:00

"and so I called her."

sinking in, the words, like weights. drowning hope.

even I knew, there was no getting out of this one.

no witty comeback. hmm, this was bad. humor couldn't lighten the mood that had inevitably soured with my reveal.

I wish he'd just say something. anything.

no duel this round, just a forfeit. how very disappointing. no stabs at ego, counterattacks or parrying to be done. just silence.

the words of others

2011-02-16T14:15:00.002+08:00

"a.. friend."

2011-02-16T14:12:00.001+08:00

"let's make amends like all good men should."

2011-02-15T17:29:00.003+08:00

the half life is nearing. split, split. the unstable particle. age is starting to show. wide eyed and grinning.

I have fallen into temptation.

2011-02-14T18:13:00.004+08:00

there was a castle atop the hill. the castle is suspended from the sky. the limit of our dreams, the ceiling of mediocrity. the end of this world.

what I needed was not up there, but my basest desires. my primal urges. deep, in the ground. buried was my heart. at the bottom of a shelter, where it was dry and cool. a good place to keep anything, even fireworks.

right beside my heart, at the bottom of the bunker. where it was cool and quiet. sinking into me, drowning in the soil that reaped such fear. the ground held my body.

decaying, with the lights twinkling in the sky. eyes upturned. it was beautiful.

2011-02-14T18:08:00.003+08:00

her fingers dug into my skin. had she not been human I'd be ripped from shoulder to shoulder. I cut her nails yesterday. enough with the bruises, and not just the scratching.

he continued to freak out. I wished I was somewhere else. I didn't know what else to say that could comfort her. once she awakes from the sleep this brings, nothing has changed. either we stay here or we go somewhere else.

I didn't know if she could take the change, but she could not live here either.

one day he's gonna lose it.

2011-02-14T15:40:00.002+08:00

I cannot not expect something out of someone. I expect you to be a decent human being with morals, ethics and principles. if I don't expect this from you than I have absolutely no respect for you and couldn't be bothered whether you are a liar or a cheat. but if I do expect these things from you, then I'm wrong for it.

if this makes me unreasonable/selfish/etc. so be it.

I expect you not to lie to me, but obviously, I'm just asking for too much.

2011-02-14T13:41:00.003+08:00

I crave the feel of wet air sticking to the back of my neck. this was by the sea, this was back then. I called out to the neon, and dreamt of being a courier with a dangerous job. couriers are very cool in the future, you know.

in the middle of a metropolis, I wear goggles. the giant city looked like a creature with a million eyes from up high. I have my bike.

RIP

2011-02-14T11:34:00.002+08:00

I remember his cologne. I remember his laugh. I remember how he used to conspire with us to make fun of my aunt. I remember he used a lot of gel. I remember going down to Singapore and staying with them. I remember taking the train down with packed sandwiches.

I remember the batik and uncle shirts, always in long pants. these are things I'll never forget. I won't get to say good bye one last time. but I'll remember you always.

2011-02-11T11:18:00.001+08:00

I thought of his hands and I was.. revulsed.

buy popcorn

2011-02-10T18:19:00.003+08:00

no story today, only intermissions

lilting as it were, her voice through the song. careless as it was, her bloody knife ripping through my flesh. I was kneeling on the floor while she spun around like a ballerina singing along. she didn't slip in the pooling mess.

2011-02-10T18:11:00.001+08:00

Utena is awesome because yes, everything is about sex

just kidding

2011-02-10T14:17:00.002+08:00

even when everything turns to shit, there'll always be you

I wonder if I'll be able to remember that when the chips are down

if it happens

I'll say that it was for all the beauty in the world

for I think

that is the only thing worthy

and then there's you

2011-02-10T13:24:00.002+08:00

I'll no longer take the blame for what happened. I am tired, and there is much on my mind. I am walking into the dessert after setting the camel free and letting my bags scatter all over the dessert.

lost to the sands, lost to time. the cloudless sky lays witness.

2011-02-10T12:41:00.001+08:00

my dreams have started to turn against me

my dreams

how she turns against me

2011-02-09T17:32:00.003+08:00

I looked back at her. she was asleep. even in sleep she could find no rest. weary.

I wasn't in the mood to read anymore so I put the book away, and tried to stay still. I should be used to it by now. moving and stopping with her.

moving and stopping. it was like a physics conundrum, staying in stasis while the world revolves. the unstable particle splitting at half life. we still haven't figured out who died. just that us three remain.

the demiurge comes to mind.

I had something to think about, that phrase she left me with, at least for today. bougainvilleas, eh? never thought I'd give pause to such. I still carry a scar cut by a thorn from one grown wild through neglect. I was there to cut it down, tit for tat I suppose.

a scar from a plant who couldn't have thinner flowers, funny.

in the gardens of other houses, in the sidewalks on the street, planted by city council. she could only see outside through the window. even then, there was plenty of it. in our garden nothing grew. in the soil, buried secrets.

did I ever tell you that joke about--

2011-02-09T15:37:00.000+08:00

"i wanna fuck you like an animal

i wanna feel you on the inside"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

2011-02-08T17:16:00.000+08:00

it was never about getting over you, it was just about getting over myself

I write about you

2011-02-08T16:28:00.005+08:00

"the bougainvilleas are in bloom." she said.

I looked up from my book and stared at her, puzzled. I looked outside to think.

"why speak of this?" I replied, after a while. I hoped to lighten the situation, she sounded serious. still no looking at me. she just continued to stare outside the window. I could hear a storm brewing on the horizon and rain closing in. I felt my fear setting in, my heart quickened and my stomach started to knot.

it was always as such, she was always so serious. and I just try to blow away the rainclouds around her. maybe a joke is light enough.

she sighed, and sat beside me. resigned. the mark of her fingers still on me. face as blank as ever. I felt her lean on me, and wondered if my heart would betray me.

she was telling me something, I knew. what it was, I couldn't say but I sensed the severity of her words. refrigerator like a haiku, but forceful. she could scream and scream and her voice won't reach me.

here, it rains all year round.

2011-02-01T14:19:00.002+08:00

my shirts, much like my past, are ..

checkered

this could be an opening line in the movie we were discussing last night.

wow, she is cute.

george

2011-01-30T13:35:00.000+08:00

"stupid Cupid keeps on calling me, but I see nothing in his eyes. I miss my baby."

the words

2011-01-29T04:20:00.003+08:00

the words, they seep through. like a fine mist after getting gunned down in a B-grade action film. like a survival horror video game. a spray of blood.

the words, are like blood. and as relative in amount to the gravity of injuries. a whole body never bleeds. a cut may produce droplets. and the broken just won't stop.

the words trickle through the skin. the 100 slashes to sever ties with guilt. the words don't flow unprovoked. drip drip drip. the words, beaten into being.

the words are life. creating a life on its own. drip.

gurgle

2011-01-29T04:04:00.003+08:00

it was like, being struck by lightning. if you asked me. of course you hadn't, but nevermind that.

or rather what I thought being struck by lightning felt like. awful side effects aside.

it was as rare and, for lack of a better word, dumbfounding. the odds are very slim too.

it made you stupid, in other words. kidding.

it was something that could never happen again.

it was as improbable as getting a shark bite.

a flash in the pan, a streak of lightning across the sky. being in tune with the wild and crazy. a freak of nature. an impossible happenstance. just stopping short of a miracle. a few prayers short perhaps.

she reached for my heart. but instead cold water met her fingertips and she pulled back.

down at the bottom of the sea it lay, cold, dark and unknown. air bubbles escaping to the surface, gurgling. after a while I wasn't sure if the sea was my heart or that the sea ate my heart. and it down there somewhere, amidst the wreckage. fishes continue to swim and tides continue to rise and fall, like a chest of someone asleep. the bottom of the sea, where my heart lies.

I'll write you something someday.

2011-01-28T13:55:00.001+08:00

one annoying thing about CNY is the sheer number of idiots asking me for ang pau every year when I'm obviously not married, nor that old.

it's only funny if it's true

sigh

one last

okay

2011-01-27T17:02:00.002+08:00

I admit I lied

half truths make a jerk out of me

but it's because I don't know what the truth is, that's the problem

tripping and tripping

over and over again

the knot intensifies

2011-01-27T15:10:00.001+08:00

maybe I'll just never understand people.

if you hated me, you should have just said so. I'm just confounded.

I can't interpret lies you know.

people should just be honest.

2011-01-27T15:03:00.002+08:00

I rather hate not understanding why.

curiosity has always been a flaw for me. and not for the best of things either.

things happen, for the worst. I don't understand what's going on but feel responsible. these things slowly build into resentment. resentment for things I don't understand.

how is it that it comes so easily to other people.

we'd be better off if we didn't dream. even now she is invading my dreams. desist.

is the average life span of a human worth its soul?

2011-01-27T01:35:00.001+08:00

I got burnt, you got your watch.

win-win

2011-01-27T01:17:00.000+08:00

I'm living on borrowed time